forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize