Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
did i just pee glitter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
