Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
