How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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