We won't sleep together?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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