Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
