He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
