You made me cry and you don't even care
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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