great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
