So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
