There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
