Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
