____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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