phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
