I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
