I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
