I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
