I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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