very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
