based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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