I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
