I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
