yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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