I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
