So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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