I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
