sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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