Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
