I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
