Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
