Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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