You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
