I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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