It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
