I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
