I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
