i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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