Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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