We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
