My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
