remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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