I just threw up on my dentist
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
