She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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