Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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