Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
