I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
