I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
