He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
