and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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