They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
